Canvas
by just like our last
Summary: you said yourself this wasn't easy


**Author's note:** Because apparently I can't become obsessed with a show without deciding that one or more of my favorite characters has to have an extremely angsty fic written about them. Also, I'm going on a little vacation for a couple days, so if you ask a question in your review and it doesn't get answered until a few day from now, I apologize for the delay. I hope you enjoy the fic, though.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own How to Rock, obviously.

* * *

If you look hard enough, you'll always be able to see past the obvious.

The note that had been left in Kacey's locker earlier that day was one that Kacey had a right to be concerned about. A note written in handwriting that Kacey would recognize anywhere as Stevie's. A note that held three simple words:

_I am breaking._

Kacey didn't know what to do, didn't know what that meant or where to go, or why she didn't see it sooner, or how she was supposed to help Stevie. All she knew was that her friend needed her.

She approached her after practice that evening, when the boys had gone home and it was just the two of them in the studio with Stevie was packing up her bass.

"Stevie... What's this mean?" Kacey asked cautiously, holding the note out towards her.

"I've never seen that before in my life. What makes you think it's from me?" Stevie replied after a quick look at the note in Kacey's hand.

"Don't play dumb with me. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere. What's wrong?"

Stevie shook her head. "...It's a warning." She said nothing more, pushing past Kacey and swinging her bass over her shoulder as she made her way towards the door, leaving Kacey blinking and confused.

A warning.

A warning of what? Kacey didn't understand. If the fact that Stevie was breaking was a warning, then was Kacey supposed to wait until she broke? What did that even _mean_?

Kacey couldn't give up, though. Not when Stevie was obviously not okay. Something was wrong here, and she had to figure out what it was, before it was too late.

The easiest way to fix a crack is to replace it with something new.

Stevie may or may not have hinted via text message that she was going for a walk that evening, and she may or may not have hinted that she could have used Kacey's company, but that was all Kacey needed to hear to know that her friend still wanted her to be able to help, even if she hadn't been ready to talk about it earlier.

Kacey knew Stevie fairly well, but one thing she had yet to learn about her fiend was where Stevie went to escape when she was sad. She wandered around town for about half an hour, cursing the fact that she didn't have a car yet and wishing she could text Stevie and ask her where she was, but something told her that Stevie wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to help Stevie, Stevie was going to make sure she had to_ find _her first. That was part of the task. And, unfortunately for Kacey, she had never been very good at finding people.

The sun had just finished setting, the dim twilight making the world feel eerie as Kacey made her way down the boardwalk of the beach, not entirely sure why her feet had brought her here, but hoping to find her friend somewhere nearby. The beach was about the most peaceful place you could find in a town like San Diego, especially around twilight when the city was abuzz with traffic.

Her feet had been smarter than her head, apparently, because there, about thirty feet away, was Stevie, walking down the boardwalk with her hands in her pockets, a look of deep thought on her face as she glanced up when she sensed Kacey approaching. She blinked, but her expression did not change. Kacey smiled softly as she came to stand beside her friend, debating on how to start the conversation, hoping that Stevie would start so that she wouldn't have to, because she _still_ had no idea what was wrong with Stevie or how to help.

Stevie did start, a short sentence slipping off her tongue a moment later that contained a million things and absolutely nothing all at once. "Kacey, I'm leaving."

Kacey just stood there for a moment, not knowing what that meant or how to respond to it. "I wish you weren't so vague," she finally declared after a moment, sighing.

Stevie looked away. "Sorry. I can't afford not to be."

"...Okay, so, where are you going?"

"I don't know."

Kacey raised an eyebrow. "Will you _please _give me something to work with, here? I want to help you, Stevie, but I can't do that if you won't tell me what's going on."

Stevie shook her head. "It's past help. It's time for apologies."

"Why? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I-"

Stevie cut her off. "Not from you. From me."

"For what? You haven't done anything wrong, Stevie," Kacey insisted.

"Yes I have. By not telling you before... before it was too late. And there's nothing you can do now so... I can't even tell you. I'm sorry."

Kacey's confusion was growing by the second, and she was getting more and more fed up with Stevie's lack of information, but something told her there was no use in prying.

"Well, wherever you're going... I'll miss you. And I wish I could stop you from going. Will you come back?"

Stevie looked down at the boardwalk, shuffling her feet. After a long silence, she finally said, "...No."

Kacey realized then that Stevie was tearing up, and in response she stepped forward, opening her arms and allowing Stevie to fall into them, enveloping her friend in a hug as Stevie cried softly into her shoulder, both of them standing in the boardwalk as the twilight faded to night and the stars began to twinkle far above them.

They stayed like that for a long time, and when they finally broke apart, Stevie ran off down the boardwalk and back towards town as fast as she could without looking back.

Yes, the easiest way to fix a crack is to replace it with something new, but sometimes, the crack is already too deep to be fixed.

This time, that was the case.

Kacey waited for something, anything to tell her that Stevie was okay after that night on the boardwalk, but she didn't think her answer would come as quickly as it did. She also didn't expect it to be nearly as heartbreaking as it was.

"Stevie's dead." Zander's voice hit her like a dead weight, crashing down over everything Kacey knew, her knees giving way as she fell to the floor, shaking with sobs. She allowed Zander to put his arms around her, and there they stayed, crying and waiting for Kevin and Nelson to arrive. When they did, they began to cry too, and it was then that Zander revealed the note that had been found on the floor next to Stevie's body, the note that Stevie's parents had already analyzed and tried to make sense of before they allowed Zander to take it and show it to the others.

_Everyone,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't have told you. I'm sorry I wouldn't let you help me. I'm sorry I couldn't hang on. I'm sorry I slipped to far to go back. I'm sorry I didn't have a choice anymore. I'm sorry I threw everything away. I'm sorry. I love you. I don't want to be remembered in sadness. I want to be remembered as whoever I was with joy. Zander, I want you to know that my heart belongs to you, wherever I am. I'm sorry I could never tell you that. The rest of you, I love you more than anything and you're like family to me. And to my family, my brothers and my parents, you know you are my everything, even if I didn't always act like it. I hope you never forget me. But please don't be sad that I'm gone. It was too late for me, but I know it's not too late for you. _

_Rationally,_

_Stevie_


End file.
